Unspeakable
by Exceeds Expectations
Summary: It's been a whole summer since you've seen them. They've had time to think it over, to think of what it really means, to realise you're no fairytale beast, you're a monster, and you could kill them. /Remus doubts his friends, when he really, really shouldn't.


**A/N:** Written for Fanfiction Tournament: Round 1 (write about Third Year) and The Let's End This The Way We Started It Competition (start and end with the word _unspeakable_).

It took a while to get to 1000 words, I'll tell you that much. Reviews appreciated :)

* * *

Unspeakable.

That's what your secret was.

A secret so huge, so very unutterable that it was almost tangible, like you could feel it on your skin, like you wore it in your smile.

_You're a wolf._ Doesn't that hurt to think?

It was the end of your second year when they cracked it -_ where have you been, Remus? You're looking awfully pale, Remus. Are those scars, Remus?_ - and your heart plummeted, your tongue went dry, your eyes watered childishly. _They know_, you thought_, they know and now they hate me_.

But then James - or was it Sirius? - asked if silver could kill you and Peter - or was it James? - asked why you howled at the moon, and you were so relieved you felt like laughing and crying at the same time. They didn't look at you with hatred or disgust - just schoolboy curiosity, rabid fascination, perhaps even _awe._

It was on that note that the school year ended.

It's your third year now, but this is different. It's been a whole summer since you've seen them. They've had time to think it over, to think of what it really means, to realise you're no fairytale beast, you're a _monster_, and you could _kill_ them.

You've worked yourself up into a state. You're sweating as you board the train, already mourning the loss of the greatest friends you have ever known. You'll make it easy for them. Make it quick and painless; you'll say hello and then walk right past them and find a nice, quiet carriage where you can read in peace. They'll be so relieved and you'll never have to have that awkward moment of _we can't be friends with a werewolf _that will surely haunt you forever._  
_

But you see them in the corridor, James tall and lanky, Peter squat and pink faced, Sirius with his hair in his eyes and his tie around his head, and they scream your name, calling you towards them frantically. They look delighted to see you, all bright eyed and ruddy faced and, _Merlin_, your heart is pounding.

"Remus!" Peter cries, throwing his hands in the air. "We've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Yeah, mate," says Sirius. "C'mon, we need to hurry and find a carriage before we end up being shoved in with Snivellus and his lot."

And then James has an arm around you and he's telling you all about his holiday to Greece and how the girls there didn't even _compare_ to Lily Evans and Sirius is laughing madly, punching James on the shoulder and telling him Evans will _never_ go for him. Peter is chuckling along quietly, muttering silly things about blindness and love, and you are caught in the middle of it all, shock and surprise on your face and some sort of giddiness in your heart.

"Remus, you alright?" Sirius says. "You're looking a bit peaky."

"Yeah, mate, it's not the...you know?" Peter whispers, his eyebrows raised. The three of them stare at you then, no longer searching for a compartment. Sirius looks concerned, Peter mildly sick. James is grinning like a fool.

"His furry little problem?" he says with a teasing grin. Sirius barks a laugh and Peter stifles violent giggles, and you shush them so loudly that some passing Hufflepuffs send you funny looks, but you don't care.

"No, it's not my _'furry little problem'_," you reply, but you're chuckling yourself as you say it. And then you're all joking and laughing together, shoving and pushing and teasing, and it's like nothing has changed at all.

"In here!" Peter shouts suddenly, running into an empty compartment and throwing himself on the seat. Sirius is after him instantly, but when you try to run James grabs you back with his sweaty hand, blushing slightly.

"Look, Remus," he says, and you think this is it, this is the moment where he will tell you that you are not normal, you are not safe, you are not his friend. But he doesn't. He says, "We want to help you. The three of us. We want to be there for you every full- every month. Just - just tell us how you're doing, yeah? Don't be afraid or anything. We're in this together now."

You stare at him, dumbfounded.

"You don't have to - I can take care of mysel-"

"I told you he'd say that," comes Sirius' voice from behind you, and then it is his hand on your arm, dragging you towards the compartment. "Peter's got Chocolate Frogs," he says happily, and then James is running past you quickly, diving through the compartment door. You hear the muted sounds of a struggle, paper tearing, boxes falling to the floor, and you can only assume that James has tackled Peter. When James' triumphant cry sounds, muffled by a mouthful of Frog, you and Sirius look at each other, grinning.

But as suddenly as his grin came, it is gone. He is serious but so _un_Sirius, and you think your own smile must have already melted from your lips.

"What James said," he says solemnly, "we mean every word, Remus. Don't forget that. Your secret is safe with us."

You have nothing to say but, "Thank you," before he is pulling you into the compartment, laughing once more, and you shut the door with the feeling that you're shutting out your old life, your life of secrets and lies and _this? Oh, this is just a scratch,_ and your third year, that will be the best year by far.

You look at your friends as they fight over Chocolate Frog cards, and a small part of you thinks that you're glad they know now. Because now your _curse_ is this thing that you share, a secret that binds you together, and you know they'd never, ever tell. They're going to help you, somehow. This is a new year, you think, a year where your secret isn't just yours and your best friends will be there to help you keep it.

Because they know as well as you do that some things - like werewolf bites, crushes on certain redheaded Gryffindors or how much you love your best mates - are simply unspeakable.


End file.
